Prescription for Change

Gracias

2006-10-26T22:35:00.000-04:00

Everything is finished. All my articles, UK News, my readings. What should I do with my free time? Watch the World Series, of course. Hmm, never really thought I'd say that. Then again, I never thought the Cardinals would be in the World Series. Yes, I'm a hater.

I want to thank everyone who is praying for me to grow closer to the Lord. I know He is listening because of the things He is drawing me to do. It's been a while since I've really been in His word and studied it. But recently, the draw is undeniable. He is removing things, people and feelings that have held me back. And it's funny when those desires seem to lose their luster. Suddenly, things aren't framed with a white picket fence anymore--and you don't care. You can let go (literally) of things that once seemed impossible to lose. Then again, they don't seem to care about losing you either. I guess that's life.

But the hunger He has placed in me to read and know Him more in order to glorify Him more is a desire I've not had for some time--a few months, at least. But I look at people like my friend Kelly Ann. How beautiful this girl! How encouraging! I'm not sure I've ever encountered someone so much like me and someone I look up to as much as her. I know she prays for me; I know God hears and blesses her intercessions. When I feel God tenderly calling me, I know she's probably there giving Him a nudge. ;) Haha. So, thanks, love. You are greatly appreciated.

Also, on a lighter note. My car is still recovering from the lightening bolt that struck it a few weeks ago. The alarm is not going off randomly and waking the neighborhood up. Whew. I was tired of blaming it on my neighbor.

The semester is almost finished. Here I come.

Erinical Update

2006-10-16T22:33:00.000-04:00

Well friends, it's cold again. Cold outside. Colder in my house.

I sleep in a full winter wardrobe. But I'm not complaining. As much as this house feels like the igloo that it is, I love to make myself a fort of pillows and get lost somewhere in the middle. Also, I like the frostbite. ;)

Life has been great because we have a great God. Bible study went well tonight. We studied Psalm 51 and how even though David knew, acknowledged and confessed his sin, he still had faith to know that the God who heals lepers and can restore them to their place in society could spiritually do that to him. It was an encouragement for me, and I hope for the hearers also. I have really been learning a lot about God and it's surprising how excited it can make me. Praises to the One who breaks our legs (not literally, sicko) so that He can carry us to where He wants us to be. Props to Sarah Richey for bringing out the sheep-sheppard example. Highly appropriate, friend.

God has been blessing me and I just wanted to lift up my cup of salvation in the presence of His people (Ps. 116). All that I need He provides.

Just for general knowledge, the First Annual AFSP (Adult Friends Sleepover Party) was a hit! Who knew that middle-aged women could oink like that! Yes, we definitely played pigs in a blanket and had the time of our lives. I was more than impressed with the 48-to-49-year-old-crowd's ability to hang with a bunch of 20-somethings. Trust me, they put us to shame at the whole candy cigarette thing (I thought I was going to have to drive Mama and Lucy to confession after their stove-lighting incident).

So, I'm graduating in May. So let it be. I'm ready for wherever God takes me. Asheville, NC, Lexington, KY, Bella Union, Peru. Bring it. Oh, it's been brought. Peace homies.

**Addition: As I was looking through some of my posts (loser, do something better with your time) I found this paragraph from one year ago that's almost an exact replica of my Sept. 22 post, only perhaps slightly more elegant: "May we never be like the one in James who looks at himself in the mirror and then forgets what he looks like when he walks away. Let us see our infirmaties and commit to changing them. The perscription, then, is this: Notice who God is--His mercies and grace; in light of this, ask Him to show you your shortcomings; but rather than dwell on them, change them." Ironic. Some things never change. :)

Question

2006-09-29T08:55:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been reading 1 Samuel. When God appoints Saul to be king over Israel, He says He's only doing it because the Israelites want Him too, even though it's a bad idea. Later, it says He regrets making Saul king. My question is this: Why did (does, perhaps) God do something He knew He would regret? Just like the people in Noah's day--he regretted them too. What's the deal?

What now?

2006-09-22T23:15:00.000-04:00

"For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror, for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was." James 1:23, 24

James, along with Michael Jackson, talks about the man in the mirror. O how I have disappointed my God! For the moment that I leave the mirror, I have amnesia, well, more like voluntary amnesia, and make a mockery of all He is, has given, has done, etc. I wish I could hide myself in a cave where I couldn't let others see what a mess I often make of myself. But He doesn't call us to live in caves, right? Just like my last post said, He calls us to suck it up and do better next time. Doing better requires remembering what kind of person we are.

How do I remember? I can't remember myself, my first love! I hate heart ache and it eats at me now. Where can I go but to the Lord?

Long Time No See

2006-09-17T21:42:00.000-04:00

So it's been awhile. Peru blogged me out a little, but I'm ready to jump back in. Of course, I choose to do this right when school is starting to get busy (and serious). Great timing as always.

I just got back from a trip to Bowling Green where I saw Sarah and Chase Sears. Man, it was like Christmas in September. Seeing Sarah was like getting a Barbie Big Wheels (or in my case a purple bicycle). Getting to hang out with her (and wrestle with her) was the most relaxing and refreshing thing God could have ever given me. I love that girl. I forget how much she has my heart until I see her. But she has it, and I can't wait for 2008 when L.A. spits them back to the East. Chase preached a great sermon, as always, and getting reacquainted with both their families was so renewing for my run-down-on-routine spirit.

To say I'm run-down would be an understatement. I feel more like I'm in that big hole that runs all the way to China and I'm almost to Beijing. Ready for a new scene, new adventures -- and an animal. But don't pull out the party hats for this pity party yet, I know I'm just one among many with these same sentiments. It happens about this time every year. But this year is different. I'll graduate, wait for God to direct my next (possibly big) move and everything I've slaved over this darn keyboard for will manifest itself into something worthwhile. Cool.

Maybe you saw the prayer concern sheet being passed around Porter Sunday School this morning. It went something like this with a little variation: "Name--Erin Thomas; Concern--attitude and mouth." This is the best thing ever! I'm sure some people thought, "Wow, what jerks wrote that?" or "Man, Erin really is a nut job." Well, it wasn't a mean joke, but a real gesture by some very good friends. I asked them to do it because I know that without God's strength and the intercession of those who love me, I can never stop being a jerk who rebels against God by doing things that displease Him.

Even though people hate John Mayer, one group of which I am not a member, one of his songs really shows how I feel a lot of times. "My stupid mouth/It got me in trouble/I said too much again.../Oh, it's another social casualty/Score one more for me/How could I forget?/Mama said "think before speaking"/No filter in my head/Oh, what's a boy to do/I guess he better find one soon." And not to get overspiritual here, but I do have a filter and it's called the Holy Spirit; He should be directing the ways of my tongue, but I overtake Him too often. Today, Chase spoke about how those who aren't children of God act in a way that is contrary to the nature of God and rebel against Him constantly. By continuously having negative things to say to someone --one in particular -- and "slipping" cuss words, what does this mean? I am not questioning my stance as a child of God, but how much do these attitudes reflect the character of God? In short, they don't.

Ok, so I've acknowledged the sin, confessed it to the Father, but this next step, the application of Chase's and others' teachings, is where the true test comes, the main one being, how much do I love God? Do I love Him enough to give up those things I rely on in bad situations (i.e. punching the closest thing around and/or lettin' a few ones drop)? Do I trust Him enough to let Him control my feelings about people and not create scenarios I think would be good and wait for Him to conform His plans to mine? Do I adore His Son enough to stop insulting Him every time my disobedience says His death meant nothing to me and profess myself as being in a higher position than the One who sits at the right hand of God?

Heavy stuff, yeah? True, but that's the neat thing about God. He can reveal all these hard truths to you, and while sometimes we get so caught up in contemplating them, "feeling them out" and even being sad because fall so short of them, we forget that He is a joyful God who wants us to use these truths to strengthen our satisfaction in Him by making Him more glorified in our lives (right, Jonathon?). Yeah, I have extreme attitude problems and treat those I love the most like the ones I like the least , but God doesn't leave it at that. He gives me access to the strongest tower and refuge. Hold me accountable, friends. When I come across negative or ungodly, let me know (in a loving way or else I'll break your face...Ha!). Really though, if you read this and God lays it on your heart to lift me up, I'd really appreciate all the help I can get.

Wrap up

2006-07-21T17:29:00.000-04:00

Yes, it's been a while. Many things have happened and God has begun to make the final touches on the summer. Porter team II left today after an amazing week of seeing God work in very evident, glorifying ways. How beautiful was this week! And how beautiful is my friend who I will miss more than perhaps anyone I've ever known. Even now I cry to think that it may be a long time before I get to see Evelyn and her wonderful, beautiful face. The girl who God gave to me to strengthen me, encourage me, slap me around when I needed it and hold me tighter than anyone I've ever known. How beautiful my friend, how beautiful. It may seem silly, but pray that God sustains me as I miss her so much. I can only imagine how God will continue to use her pure, reliant heart. I love you Evy! (By the way, I proved this when I got on a motorbike with some random man and rode at absurd speeds to try to get you your backpack...)

I don't know if I can accurately convey the beauty of God's design in our adopted valley. Oh how beautiful our great Orchestrator! How beautiful His kindness and compassion and justice! To let me meet and know a friend I will never let go of; to allow me to be a part of His harvest in the towns of Bella Union, Otapara and Huanca; to allow me to proclaim His name to those who desperately seek and only find falsehoods! Oh how humbled am I to be chosen by such a merciful Father who took me from unbelief and skepticism and a life that didn't glorify Him though I claimed to be His child, and led to me a life of obedience and a desire to see His name magnified to the nations! The name at which every tongue shall bow and every knee confess--for this same God I give my life! Emotions are high only because joy is higher. Through rough cirsumstances and trials and fights and all else, God has sustained me and raised me up, and for this I offer thanks and joy and hope the Spirit will testify of this on my behalf. To the One who pleads with Our Father daily for forgiveness of my sins and purity and strength, to Him be all praise and honor and obedience.

Senor Leonidus Quiroz is a 60-something year old man who God has called to serve Him in very real ways. Besides being a genius and a renaisance man, Senor Quiroz is a new believer along with his son Juan Felipe. He has gone from a man looking to run church as a business with strict rules to a man who God softened overnight into believing that only if 2 or 3 are gathered, God is in the midst. (I guess now Mama should apropriately break out into the song "He's in the midst.") He had a gathering for all the new and seasoned believers to meet yesterday so they could begin to form groups. How amazing to see God already engineering things!

We saw two people come to Christ this week, one of whom previously was very skeptical and critical of us. You who are reading this prayed for her though you may not have known because she was one of the few who were spearheading the resistance against us. Yet when presented with the truth in sincerity by some members of Porter II, she and her husband gladly accepted and are enthusiastic about beginning Bible studies, etc. She will be good at this because she is known and she is also a teacher at the elementary school.

Two men get baptized yesterday in a watering trough. The joy, the understanding, the simplicity of the situation was too much for a complicated mind like mine to grasp until right now. As new believers and "verterans" gathered together at the meeting at Senor Quiroz's house, we literally were able to see the beginnings of a new church family. People of every age came together to meet and fellowship and encourage and make contacts. How refreshing and such a priviledge!

We have been doing Bible studies with Rosaura and Teresa, two women affiliated with the hostal. It is clear that they really have an understanding of how to be a Christian and I can only pray that the lessons we've done have made an impact on how Jesus wants them to live their lives.

The last English class will be on Saturday. I dread it because I know it will be so sad. I've seen these kids four times a week for almost two months and it's going to be very tough to leave. They are so smart and willing to learn and I can only hope that future teams will concentrate on them and build them up. How amazing to think that perhaps they will remember me for their whole lives; I know I will remember them.

It is truly bittersweet. So many things have happened. I've had the Devil called out of me at a Pentecostal church (that was a little creepy and disappointing); I've been able to be associated with an amazing AweStar team in Otapara, where young and old are being called in dramatically real ways to join the Kingdom of God; I've seen the most unlikely accept Christ and want to be a part of groups that know Him better. I have made it through homesickness, anger, resentment, fear and countless other emotions, all to find that God never changes and that He is faithful no matter the circumstances (or attitude on my part). Such wonderful people He has given to me: Evelyn, Paola, Dana, Manuel, Claudia, Emma and her family, Rosaura, all the children, Omar, the Quirozes, plus all of my American friends doing the same work as I am. What a blessing! I will never be the same. From the beginning when Jane and Larry left Evelyn and I in Bella Union by ourselves until now when I am getting honors like seeing people genuinely come to Christ and churches beginning to form, God has remained faithful and strong, ready to hold me, give me high fives, and tell me He loves me and is proud of me. But how proud I am to be His!

We leave here in three days and it will truly be bittersweet. Know that every prayer lifted up in these two months, every thought known to God, every sweet praise lifted up to Him has been counted as righteousness and has graced His hears. He has answered your prayers in obvious and subtle and even still invisible ways. You all have been in Peru this summer and God will reward your faithfulness to intercede for me and to love me. Look at what God has done! Remember the things you have prayed for, the things you have pleaded with God about, the times you may have cried or been excited. This is Peru 2006. My love and my twinkie Evelyn, my sweet girl Dana, my downhome homey Paola--the translators who got me this far and worked by my side doing God's work; the teams from Porter who took time and effort and sweat to work for the Kingdom and do amazing jobs. There are too many details to name, but perhaps it is summed up in this: Love is the most excellent way. It must be sincere and we must put others above ourselves. Humility is necessary to be effective. God is faithful even when we are not. Jesus gives us moment-by-moment forgiveness by pleading with our Father. So many things learned and hopefully God has been so glorified.

Thanks to all those who spent the summer praying and pleading for me. The time here is almost spent and I will see you all soon. God bless you my friends. I love you.

Where in the World am I?

2006-07-05T14:17:00.001-04:00

OK So, things here are amazing. God has perfect timing and I have lacking words. Did I tell We found evangelical churches in both Bella Union AND Acrai and we have worked our behinds off meeting people and studying with them. This morning, we even led a lady to Christ after she cooked us breakfast. Her son is coming to the English classes; AND in the English class on Monday we shared the gospel in a very blunt way (with the image and dignity of God being first). God has taught me that I have skeptical and unbelieving heart. I am too rational. Can these people really be saved without knowing so many things about the Bible and things related. Won't they probably just fall by the wayside like many? So skeptical I am. I have said all along that if God didn't send me back with the names of those who came to know Him, it was ok. But in Nazca, God showed me that it wasn't. Everything is His timing, but if I don't ask for the souls of these people of these towns, He might not give them. SO I changed my attitude and repented for being selfish. I DO want them to be saved, I DO want them to live daily lives for Christ. So I prayed for these things, and God has delievered in ways I could never imagine. We went to the evangelical church in BU on Sunday and met a missionary from Peru who is working in this town and in Acari. He is discipling a man and we have gone to meet families every night and day since. He came to the English class and spoke.

There is a restaurant in Acari called Restaurante Karina. Well, Julia told me ppl from there called looking for me. SO, we went with Miguel and Rafael to meet them. It was a young guy who is the pastor of the evangelical church in Acari. He was so solid. He even preached on Romans 9. Crazy. We have visited him in Acari twice and I think he is going to Otapara with us when the team comes. Evangelism is these guys' main theme. AND we visited a family who lives like 4 miles away and without electricity. The woman had just returned form Lima where she had explained to the pastor that it was hard to live in BU and be a Christian. But the pastor told her not to worry that God was going to send her someone to help her and to encourage her, and we came the next day! SHUT UP! There are so many stories like this in only a few days. I can only imagine how God will explode this place in a month. Oh, we are a part of something very big here. I am only wondering how Satan will attack us. Pero, no importa porque Cristo es el victor, ¿si? I even spoke to the church in Spanish--very good Spanish that God gave to me. I don't even know how to say what I said! God is goin' nuts here. We still have to get on our faces like Elijah did after he called fire from heaven. He had just seen--and took part in--something amazing. But what did he do afterward? He put his head between his knees and looked for God's provision 7 times. In the same way, we must continue to pour ourselves out and petition Him.
Your prayers are being answered people. God is hearing your petitions and opening up the storehouses of heaven and allowing the blessings to shower Bella Union to Huanca. We are taking part in the harvest here. You will surely be rewarded for your participation in this. God is great to allow us to participate, yes? True. I will write with more details later. Thanks for everything and continue to petition and praise our Lord for the splendor of His holiness. Amen.

Where in the World am I?

2006-07-05T14:17:00.000-04:00

Nasca R&R

2006-06-27T14:36:00.000-04:00

Things have been so busy that it is difficult to write about it all. The AweStar group came this week. They are a group of high schoolers and some college students who rough it for the summer. They are staying in our territory of Otapara and are doing amazing things already. God is using them in huge ways to bring glory to Himself. The people are very receptive to them and are providing for them left and right. The focus of these students is remarkable and our goals and ministry ideas are exactly the same. Dana, my translator for the past 5 days has been amazing,and she and I traveled to visit them. An encouragement team from our organization was with us and actually drove us there so we didn't have to take the buses up the mountains. What a blessing! And the people on the Barnabus team (the encouragers) were amazing. They were so fun and helpful. God sent them exactly when we needed them. They even showed up a night earlier, and it was just when I was about to get concerned about how we were going to meet them, find them, etc. God was so faithful to us there and He has been at every turn.

We traveled to Otapara and spent the day hanging out with the people by playing soccer, making bracelets, etc. Also, the AweStar group and us had a worship time and we sang and just shared what God has already been doing. It was so amazing that I cannot convey it adeqautely on here and feel that I may never be able to anywhere. It was just like the early church: We were the only believers for miles and we were in a small, dirty room singing our hearts out and exalting God to the highest. I may never have an experience like that again. God has used this past week to wipe away any bad feelings I had about being here. That one moment made the trip worthwhile. Being in that room and knowing that God was big enough to take that entire town, every soul, for Himself--and that we would be priviledged enough to be a part of such a plan--was unreal; but it was real enough to propel me to never give up on these people.

A few funny things have been happening. In Lima, we definitely took the most dangerous bus to Acari. Our driver who dropped us off at the station in Lima stood outside the van occasionally setting off the alarm and swing his nunchucks (spelling...). I just had to laugh. I had peanut butter and jelly from a squeeze packet and it was surprisingly delicious. My sunflower seeds sent to me were confiscated by the Peruvian Department of Agriculture because they were seeds...SO, nice try, but they're not worth the hassle. UB40 has graced my ears way too much and Canela Aguilara (the dog at the hostal) has become famous in Lima thanks to me. Also, there is a monkey chained to a bar in Acari (the neighboring town to Bella Union); by a bar, I mean a bar with alcohol, not a pole. It's too funny.

Pray specifically for these things and these people: Pray that the people in Otapara will continue to be more receptive and open their hearts to the truth to be brought by the AweStar members. Pray for their safety and unity of spirit. In that town, pray for Javier and his wife, Maria; Jesus and his wife, Rosa; also for the many young people that have attached themselves to the group. In Bella Union, pray for Max and his wife, Emma. These people feed us daily and show much love and care for us. I want to begin a Bible study with Emma soon. Pray that she has time to do this and that God will draw her to me so that I may be the mouth and body of Christ to her. Pray for the English classes and that we will have wisdom of how to incorporate the gospel in them. Pray for the groups coming from Porter and that God will use them in big ways. Pray that I have wisdom and discerment about how and what to do with them.

God is using in many ways and I am proud to be a part of it. I love you all. I continue to thank God for you daily.

Cliche Day

2006-06-15T18:49:00.000-04:00

Where to begin? I have been thinking a lot about cliches. They're gross, right? We all cringe when we hear them. But, my thought process is this: Obviously, there are grains of truth behind them or they wouldn't have been repeated enough to be classified as cliches. So, do we keep repeating overused, skin-crawling phrases and risk causing deaths by profuse vomitting OR do we hold back and try to convey the same truths by taking the road-less -taken and be original, but not quite as concise? There's something to chew on in case the beef jerkey runs out.

Life isn't always a bowl of cherries...Sick, but I just couldn't help myself. Actually, life has been going pretty well these days. You all know about the resistance that has occurred in Bella Union. However, I was surprisingly unfazed by all of it, choosing to instead watch and see how God would overcome such an obstacle. I realized that those first couple weeks of personal trial and homesickness and timidity, where I struggled daily to rely solely on God's faithfulness, power and biblical promises, were the basis that I needed for this time. I had to daily remind myself of God's attributes and had to, in essence, perfect the basics. I knew then, and see why now, God was only building a strong foundation He could build on during times like these. I am surprised at the amount of faith and confidence I have in our Lord. I really do believe that nothing is impossible with Him if we dedicate our plans to Him. This is not a blind faith, but one that has been tested and proven by God.

We have continued the classes in the afternoon and the response is as good as before. We talked with some profesoras at the school and things have been going fine. Also, we began a Bible study with Rosaura, a girl at the hostel where we stay. She doesn't have a real grasp on who God is or why Jesus came or that she can have a real relationship Him--but we're working on that. I got very excited because now I get to implement the most biblical plan for evangelism that I know of: Acts 17. Paul began by explaining the attributes of God, why the fall of man was such a tragedy, why we need Christ, and he noted the accountability that came with the hearing of all this. That's it, bro. That's what's happening here in Bella Union.

You all have to understand that what we're doing here is not how we usually envision ¨mission trips.¨ We are not going down there expecting for 100 people to be saved when we leave. My purpose in that town and the surrounding ones is to pour everything I have into one or two people (of that same culture) who God chooses. Because native evangelism (people ministering to their own culture) is far more effective, it is not my purpose to have a list of 50 names of people who accepted a life in God's service. My purpose is to give all I have to a few so that they can do the same and create a multiplying effect. This way ensures maturity, discipline, etc. and will fill the gaps which are often left after mission trips. Instead of waiting for the next group to arrive, these people in Bella Union will have someone there to minister to them at all times, every day, every night.

As I rode the bus to Otapara on Wednesday, I thought about how I sometimes feel like a disappointment and how I might not ¨have much to show¨when I return. But, I was comforted with this truth: God doesn't ask me to convert X number of people or to have a long list of visible accomplishments; He only asks that I have a willing heart that seeks to praise Him, make Him known and follow His direction no matter what, no matter where. And no, perhaps I won't have what we normally look for to judge success or failure of trips, but I know without a doubt that I have the heart He wants. I only seek to make Him proud, and I have such a reverence for my God that nothing or no one can take away from me. I am glad that I have only to please Him. While this should confer upon me a heap of pressure--as it once did--it now only makes me smile to know that if I am pleasing Him, nothing else matters. If I were still trying to please men, then I wouldn't be a servant of the Lord, right? True.

So, as we all go throughout our days and hear those cliches that make our eyes roll back to our brain stem, don't forget that behind each one lies a grain of truth. Hash it out and bring it to the surface. I know the truth is beautiful even if the phrase is not.

Anyway, to logistics. I am in Nasca now, which is why I am able to write so much; there is very good Internet connection here. I will be traveling with Evelyn to Lima on Sunday. I cannot stay in Bella Union because I would be there by myself--this is not gonna happen, so I'm hitting the road with my pal. I will be in Lima for a week and then return here to Nasca for some R&R. Then, I'll be hittin' up Bella Union once more, to solidify the plans God has already laid. Please pray specifically for a meeting to be held in Otapara this Saturday to discuss the group from OK coming there at the end of June. Pray that God would give the people there accepting hearts, eager to know more. Pray for Javier and his family, as he has shown himself to be a great man of peace who I believe God will use in His future plans. Also, pray that Rosaura will gain understanding and wisdom and be encouraged to become a Christian, meaning not just conversion, but daily obedience and love. I am blown away by the commitment of all of you. A main reason things are going this well and I am this confident is because of your daily, sincere prayers. You are amazing and I am often brought to tears as I think of how faithful you all are. God be with everyone of you, and if anyone sees my Granny and Daddy Ferd, tell them hello. I cry everytime I talk to them, so I hold back on doing this. Anyway, I love all of you more than words. Peace to ya!

It´s Monday.

2006-06-12T13:36:00.000-04:00

Today is Monday...I think.

It has been a rough weekend. Things seem to want to go wrong so bad. The classes have been going beautifully. Relationships were being formed right and left and trust was quickly being established. Then, Evelyn got a call last night. It was a teacher who wouldn´t identify herself, but said that the classes were causing problems with the children--they couldn´t finish their homework. Since there was only one day of homework to complete since the classes began, I highly doubt that this is the case. We have heard that two teachers feel threatened by the classes because we are evangelicals. They have been telling students not to attend because we will try to change their faith by always talking about Jesus. We have not been secretive or deceptive about being evangelicals or that we have come to this place to teach more about Jesus.

We will continue to do this. We have established trust with many of these people, and we are confident that God´s plan cannot be thwarted. We expected resistance and it´s here. Pray that these strongholds are removed. Also pray that we may be granted to know how best to deal with the conflicts and how to present God´s word in other ways. Pray that many doors, perhaps more individuals, will be opened.

God has prepared and strengthened our hearts for such a time as this. Pray for the children and teens that we have become good friends with. God often uses the young to reach those around them, and I believe this situation is hinged on that fact. People in the community have told us they are thankful for the way we care for their children and wonder how we could spend a time in their town. Only the love of Christ compels me is my answer.

Many prayers need to be lifted up about this situation. And as much opposition that exists, I cannot help but feel complete confidence and joy in my heart. As the seed planters, we will face much resistance and conflict (props Ryan), but the seeds WILL be given growth by the Holy Spirit--I am confident of this. No worries, friends, only prayers and petitions to God with thanksgiving. His Word will never return void.

So let it be.

Finally!

2006-06-05T17:34:00.000-04:00

Yes, the title is indiactive of my mood today. For almost two weeks I have been in Peru and many days I have gone to bed feeling almost like a waste. After Jane and Larry left Evelyn (my friend from Lima) and I in Bella Union by ourselves, I had a lot to deal with. The responsibility placed on our shoulders is a large one: we are creating the biblical, Christian foundation for the people in this region so that others may build upon it. Like Paul said in Romans 15 (I think), he likes to go where the word of God has not been preached so he will not build upon another man´s foundation. Well, I´m sure that Paul was probably a little more confident than me, but I have occassionally thought this week that perhaps he was crazy! ;) It´s a tough job--where do we begin, with who, how to reach the people? Furthermore, what shall I do with the teams that come here expecting to jump right into things? BUT, praise God for being much bigger than me and being capable--and willing--to orchestrate a beautiful beginning to it all. For some days, Evelyn and I just stayed close to our hostel (sometimes never leaving it) and prayed and read our Bibles everyday, all day. It began to seem like a waste since I can do this very thing at home in Kentucky. BUT, God wanted us to be faithful to seek His will. Building a foundation is no small task; and my conclusion and confirmation of it all was that the foundation is this: Christ is the cornerstone and His church will be built upon the rock that Jesus is the Christ. But how could we implement this and find and raise up leaders to carry out this blueprint?

Today, Evelyn and I walked into the high school at Bella Union and spoke with the director about maybe teaching English sometime soon. She said, ¨Let me go get you a book; the teacher is absent today and you can begin!¨Say what?! So, we taught two classes today and will continue to teach tomorrow and however long the Lord permits. Also, we told the classes that every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday at 4 p.m. that we would teach English at our hostel. Here, we will be able to teach them using the Bible and will be able to form close relationships with many of them. We are advertising for these classes beginning today. Pray specifically for these classes, as they will be a huge tool in reaching Bella Union. Pray that God´s word will penetrate their hearts with power that Evelyn and I could never imagine. Pray that adults, teens and all ages will be interested and that we will present the words and ideas that the Spirit directs us to do. Pray for a fire to be started in each heart and that the passion that Ev and I show will spread to the others.

We understand that this may cause some suspicion and maybe even some real backlash in the town. But, I read a very comforting promise today. I can´t remember the exact Scripture reference (shame on me--John something), but Jesus said, ¨Hey, they´re gonna persecute you because they persecuted me, BUT they obeyed my teaching and will obey yours also.¨ We rest on promises such as these. It´s easier to put up with the strange looks and ¨gringa¨references when I know that a reward is waiting.

Thanks for all your comments on the last post. These mean much more than you know. I have often felt homesick and these have offered me comfort and encouragement. I love each one of you and know that by supporting us and praying for us that you are just as involved in God´s work as we are. I often plead with Him to hear your prayers and to honor them. He is so beautiful and big (kinda like Mo´Nique! HAHA Sorry, it just fit too well. I hope you all know who she is or that awesome reference was totally wasted. She´s on BET, you know...Oh well). Anyway, I´m glad God has restored to me the joy of my salvation and I take all I need from Him. I love ya´ll. Peace.

2006-05-30T12:14:00.000-04:00

Wow. It took half a year for this page to finally open. Needless to say, communication is a high price commodity. We are in Bella Union now, which is positioned in a valley between mountain ranges. The hostal is very nice (comparatively, of course, but I´d stay there any time). There is electricity and water and many other necesities. The family there is great and takes good care of us.

We traveled 3 hours up the mountains yesterday to visit the city of Huanca. We met witht the wife of the community president (mayor) to inform her of our intentions and ask permission to use facilities in the town, etc. It went very well. We explained that we are evengelical missionaries looking to begin Bible studies in the town; we want to begin them and disciple mature Christians who will be able to lead when we depart. This is the model of the early Christians and it is the way in which we will spread the message of the Lord.

Pray for these specific individuals: Maria and Javier in Huanca and Rosaura and her family in Bella Union. These are those whom we have already contacted and have established relationships with. Pray that we will have the boldness and the wisdom of God as we travel and try to fulfill His plan. I love you all and can´t wait to hear from you in emails and on here. God bless.

El Primero

2006-05-26T18:31:00.000-04:00

My first blog from Peru.

It amazes me that amount of spiritual warfare that has already visibly taken place for so many, including myself. Plane flights were canceled, bags stolen, my camara was stolen, I got sick in the airport, etc. but how much we should revel in such events! For they are only evidence of a scared opposition. If we were here to be unproductive then Satan would have no reason to aggitate us; instead, we are targets, just as Job was, because of the integtrity and intentions held and the task we have been given. The important part of these trials though, is our response--not the trails themselves.

Already, God has shown me things. By getting materials stolen, I realized almost immediately that this trip is not about things, but about relying fully on God for sustainment and joy. I did get another camara, but it will be used to capture the work God is doing in Peru. What a monumental task we have been given! We are to make the Gospel available to our people group in the towns and villages assigned. This means more than tracts or pamphlets, this means discipleship and the refining of a body of belivers so that every tribe and tongue may be gathered around Christ's throne. What a monumental task, yes, but what an honor to be chosen to be a part of God's wonderful plan. I cannot wait to implement that strategy God is slowly revealing to me. Acts 17. The essence of who God is, why we need Him, and how He has offered us redemption. All needs are met through the acceptance of Christ, for He makes us content with all situations, whether they be in big cities, a small woven hut or even in chains, as was Paul when we made the declaration.

Our passion will drive our strategy. This was said during orientation and I believe it is without a doubt true. My passion is pure and the strategy will be God-centered and God-honoring. What an opportunity myself and the people of Porter have to reach a people in the purist, most biblical way! As I am reading through Acts and factoring in things I have learned from such books as Revolution in World Missions and Total Truth, I am coming to understand the way God wants to reach His people. With an understanding that our worth is found in God because we are made in His image, with a balanced understanding of Christianity (We must establish a correct understanding of God and His character before we can expect people to legitimately follow Him.), we can build stronger, more mature believers who are willing to live a life sold out to Christ and His purposes. With Christ as the cornerstone, and that fact that He will build His church on the rock that Jesus is the Christ and God incarnate, failure is not an option. His Word will not return void because He promises that it won't, and God is not man that He should lie or change His mind. Therefore, when the foundation is this and the harvester (myself and others) are constantly seeking His will alone, we will see His face and His hand in undeniable and unfathomable ways. How great is our God!

On the plane, I was listening to some older hymns and God used one to focus my comprehension of my purpose. I just cried and cried as I realized the reality of the words. Even now, along with pslams like Psalm 121, I am comforted and sustained by the love and the promises of God.

Here are the verses to the hymn There is a Fountain:
There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Immanuel's veins,
And sinners plunged beneath the flood lose all their guilty stains...

THE DYING THEIF REJOICED TO SEE THAT FOUNTAIN IN HIS DAY
AND THERE MAY I THOUGH VILE AS HE WASH ALL MY SINS AWAY.

Ever since by faith I saw the stream Thy flowing wounds supply,
REDEEMING LOVE HAS BEEN MY THEME AND SHALL BE TILL I DIE!

I love you all and thanks for praying for me and sending me cards, letters and your love. I have already delved into them and am comforted by the signs of God within them. You are just as much a part of this trip as I am. These peoplea re objects of your prayers as well as mine and it is my job to alert and inform you of certain needs, progressions, etc. We leave for our villages (Bella Union, Acari, El Molino, Chocovento y Huanca) tomorrow, so information may be slower, but it will no doubt be there soon. Pray that God will raise up leaders and give me eyes to see them. I love you. Amen.

Go

2006-05-21T23:14:00.000-04:00

Well,

I'm going to Peru on Wednesday. To stay in touch with me, check this blog, as I will update it possibly every two weeks or so.

I am excited about everything. I can't wait to see what God will do in the two months He's given me. I expect to hang out on the beach, drink martinis, that whole deal. Just kidding. I won't be on the beach. Haha.

Hope to hear from ya'll on here and in emails: eethom2@uky.edu

Peace!

Sunday Sunset

2006-05-07T20:47:00.000-04:00

Oh to have the mind of Christ!

Just when I think I have a grasp on God or who He wants me to be or how I am to live my life, He reveals something else to me and lightens the veil that covers my understanding.

Filled to the brim right now, I fear that I cannot convey all that He has taught me in 10 minutes or less. I am pretty obsessed with sunsets as it is, but the one tonight just seemed to relay to me all the different characteristics and elements about God and the Christian mindset. I've been reading Total Truth by Nancy Pearcey (reccommended by Justin Sok). She has helped me to realize that we cannot confine Christianity to the private sphere of our lives where we seek merely personal fulfillment or individual gain.

As I looked at the sunset tonight, I saw deeper than, "Oh that's really pretty!" I saw so much of who God is wrapped up in every bit of it. It was so bright that you couldn't help noticing it. I praised God because as easily as He's given us simple pleasures such as this, He could just as easily allow us to live in a world where nothing like this existed. But why would God put us somewhere like this? I can't say, but He's God and it would be His perrogative. Instead, He has surrounded us with beauty--a testament of His mercy and love for us. I praised Him for the natural beauty of things. Then, I realized what Nancy Pearcey meant when she said that all truth is God's truth. I looked below the sunset to the cars and restaurants below and thought, "God, this is your creation too." Everything is an expression of who God is, and the variety of His character was seen very clearly tonight. The sunset is an expression of God's mercy and beauty and creativity and how He can use seemingly simple things to exemplify Himself and gain glory. The cars and places that provide service can be an expression of His intelligence, His ingenuity, His creativity, His attention to details and His provision for us. I realize that this all sounds a little far-fetched, but minus the sentimentality and sapp dripping from these descriptions, the general principle remains true. We CAN see God in everything. Just as much as I see beauty in a sunset, I can see the same God in everything that surrounds me. If it exists, it is only because of Him.

And I realized that though I placed so much emphasis on wanting, needing other things, I am most content when I am satisfied and abiding in the understanding that He is all and I am not. That when I'm in Peru for two months and I may not be able to use my flat iron or see the people "I need most," all I really need is Him. Now, a disclaimer: By my last statement, I am in no way downplaying the people or the things God has given us, but I realize that these things are given to me by Him, so the source, then, is the only dependency neccesary; all else is simply blessings and reminders of who He is.

Then I realized: Intelligence is not something we gain, but something we are given by God's grace. As school is finished, I see how much emphasis I place on this. I know that it is the ticket God has given me and I use it like nobody's business--well, let me rephrase--I rely on it like nobody's business. But any creative idea or thought I have is simply an expression of God's own creativity. How honored we are that He equipped us with the same power!

Oh to have the mind of Christ! I could only repeat it because it was the only thought that entered my mind. Having the mind of Christ goes well beyond the "spiritual" realm of things and does not boast itself in moral condemnation of others or an arrogant separation of oneself. The mind of Christ seeps into all areas of our lives and somehow finds His glory in EVERYTHING. Even now, I am afraid of being misunderstood. Understanding that God exists in everything is a radical mindset and must be presented with caution and meticulous execution. Taking God out of context can be very dangerous and we risk losing legitimacy if presented without care and in an ungodly fashion.

The way to be joyful is to rest in Christ, knowing that the God who can create artworks like sunsets and gives to us the knowledge to make things as intricate as automobiles, loves us more than we can ever know or understand. Yet He offers to us little bits of understanding that make what we thought we knew before seem almost elementary. What an honor!

To God be the praise and may you all abide confidently in Him. Amen.

Erin Thomas, this is your life...

2006-05-01T00:09:00.000-04:00

Women have been getting thrown around a lot lately.

In a non-physical way, that is. In Sunday School and other outlets, the role of the woman has been being defined, debated and so on. This has got me to thinking about many things. I have a very biblical view of womanhood and all that that implies, and the reason for this is because there have been people, most importantly women, to exemplify these things for me. The great part is that the women who have impacted me have been diverse in their interests, careers, backgrounds, etc., which has in turn helped me to shape who I have become and how I know I am to serve. As I pay tribute to some of these women, know that this is just a small list from one that cannot be numbered. For those of you who don't know them, this blog may be boring (unless you care about me and want to know why I am like I am...just kidding!), but for those of you who do, you'll appreciate it.

My Granny: Sue Gholson
Thankfully, I am just like her. She's full of sass and hardwork and never lets a dull moment come across her path. I remember Granny asking me once about knowing Jesus and explaining to me the importance of it. I wasn't ready to follow Christ then, but the fact that she asked showed her care for me. But even if Granny never asked me anything about Christ, I'd still know the importance of it because of the way she lives her life. I can always picture her sitting at her kitchen table reading her little blue Bible that she's written all over. Everyday she would read God's word (and usually My Utmost for His Highest) and never fail to read me an excerpt, which was never a burden because I would listen to her talk about anything (and trust me, she does). Granny loves everyone, and even though she's noted for not bursting with compassion, takes interest in those who need attention and love the most. I, along with my mama and aunt, inherited this. To God be the glory. I could go on forever because Granny is my favorite person in the entire world; but this is only because of the passion she has for anything she does (my grandpa, Daddy Ferd, is the same way). Granny is a self-proclaimed doctor, plumber, detective, cowgirl, bounty hunter (like her friend, Dog), electrician, etc. Trust me, Granny can do anything and I'm truckin' on that path! She is such a godly woman who never fails to have fun living a life that's honoring to God.

My mother and my aunt:
Mama and Juj...woah. These two women complete the triangle that started above. They show the same godliness (and spontaneity and enthusiasm and humor and many other things) that began in Granny. Any quick wit I have came from the same triangle. Mama, with the help of my dad, instilled in me what it means to live a Christian life. They always expected the best from my brother and I, but were always satisfied with the best we could do even if it wasn't the best in the class. Mama taught me to be like Christ by being impartial and not showing favortism to friends or anyone. Mama is the reason why I enjoy the presence of most anyone and look to cheer up, hold up or (I don't know, beat up I guess) those who need it most. If I had to tell everything Mama has done for me, it'd take too long, so this will have to suffice. It's funny because even if I knew the world was literally crumbling away at my feet and Mama told me it'd be ok, I'd believe her. Juj, my aunt, gave me the sense of wonder I have about everything. She's a genius. Riding to school wit her everyday for almost eight years gave us a lot of time to talk and discuss. She always encouraged me to learn and to diversify my interests. She made everything fun, and I owe my zeal for knowledge to her. Also, I guess I owe to her the fact that I know every cheesy Southern gospel song ever written, sang or thought about...ever. John the Revelator, Juj! If only Carroll Roberson would come visit me (along with Rat, Pig and the Zeebas). By the way, Juj, on the contrary, in later years (like this one, for instance) has contributed to my being lazy in the form of computer games like Bejweled and comic strips like Pearls Before Swine. Thanks! :)

Angela Donato:
This little lady appeared out of nowhere. Well, Louisville, I guess, which is close to nowhere (kidding). She is the wife of my former youth pastor, but most importantly, she is the one who took me to the place where God wanted me and pushed me over the edge. I had never met anyone like Ang. It's funny because she's almost an exact replica of the three women already mentioned. She's funny and fun and loves the Lord and lives to serve Him. Ang saw in me (and excuse me for the cliche) what I never saw in myself. She saw a girl who could strive for and reach purity of heart and be bold for Christ and be a leader to others around me. I was amazed by the way she and Danny lived their lives; as a 17-year-old, I'd never encountered a young couple who obeyed God in all areas like they did. Ang gave me the book Quest for Love and totally transformed the way I saw myself and the way I acted in relationships. She discipled me and loved me and still does (from what I can tell, anyway). God placed her in my life exactly when I needed her and gave her the gifts she needed to reach me and help Him mold me into who I am today.

June Ann Toombs (Ryan's mama):
June Ann has been around for a long time--almost 12 or 13 years now. Like the others, she embodies qualities that I want and that I already see in myself. June is one of the strongest people I know--not only in comparison to other women, but in comparison to everyone (probably even the biggest, toughest beast in the world..HA!). Such integrity and discipline flow from her. When you talk with her, you know exactly what you're getting because she doesn't hide or put on. And while this part of her exists, so too does the part where she gets very motherly and drags me away to pour an entire bottle of hydrogen peroxide on a scratch I've acquired (marching in flip-flops through some very tough thorns, might I add...). I often go to her for objective advice and know I'm getting the real deal. She has been very good for my mother (though JA willl deny it) and the reverse holds true too. I love that they're friends and that they can encourage each other in the Lord, all the while encouraging me through their care and devotion and love for each other, me and their families.

Gina (used to be van der Westhuyzen) Woodyard:
Gina pretty much took over where Ang left off when I went to college. Though Gina says she just befriended me, she very much discipled me too, even if it was inadvertantly. When I was a freshman, Gina did befriend me and we had (and still have) great times together. I can relate to her on many levels and look up to her for being a mature, fun individual who is God-honoring. Since she's not into being in the spotlight, I'll cut this short to save her from any embarassment, but know--and many of you do--that Gina is solid. Just one last thing, Gina. At her and Jonathan's wedding rehearsal dinner, Jonathan said something very true and flattering about his wife. He said that her commitment to God makes him strive even more in his commitment. I thought, That is how I want my husband to see me. Everyone knows my love for Gina as a very good friend and someone who I greatly respect and admire. It's partly because of her that I realized my passion for women's ministry and my gift of encouragement.

Everlina "Sugar" Arnold:
This lady comes straight out of a storybook. She's kinda like that tree in Pocahontas (I think it's maybe Grandma Willow...). Man, when she speaks, I listen because I know that it's most likely a word from God. As my longtime best bud Tez's mama, Sugar has always been there for me too. At first, I think she was just thankful that Tez finally had a friend as good as me :) , but she later came to love me just for being who I was and I began to look to her more often for advice. Controlling my tongue, not being irrational, being wise in relationship choices and always taking the higher road, these are just some of the lessons Sug has taught me that I will carry on for the rest of my life.

The Barlow Girls:
I don't know if you've seen movies like Steel Magnolias, the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Fried Green Tomatoes, or maybe even movies like...um...well, I won't go there, but if you have, then you'll better understand these ladies. They range in age from 50-60 (maybe older, but I'd never say), but if you never actually saw them and just listened from far away, you'd think the middle schoolers were cuttin' class! As has been everyone mentioned, these ladies are just too fun. They joke (and smoke, well not so much anymore) and always tell (at least their version) of the truth. Sass spews out everywhere when they come together and much of it has landed on me throughout the years. It quickly connected with the strands I already had and sometimes emerges in the form of a monster! Ha! Besides being the funnest pack of 'tuffs I know, these ladies are faithful to their God. I respect each one of them for different things, but have respect for all of them, nonetheless. Patty, Faye, Sylvia and Tookie...rock on!

Kelley Secrest:
The most recent addition has been this gal. She is soooo smart (unless she's trying to help her daughter with her homework-just kidding-inside joke)! Mrs. Secrest, though a "recent addition" has been an influence on me for about 2-3 years now. From the beginning, I could tell that something was special about her. She just has this, I don't know, sense about her that you know before actually meeting her that she's a class act. I guess I'm into these tell-it-like-it-is ladies because she's one of these too! Mrs. Secrest is so faithful to us as a college department and to each one of us individually. I tease her and Mr. Don about being smart and patterning my life after them, but I'm serious! I talked with Kelley for nearly 2 hours one night about the way things are changing in the world (politcally, socially, economically, spiritually) and all the consequences that may come. Though no one really engages with me in these talks (most just politely listen), she jumped right in there about human rights and being informed about the world around us. What a soulmate! :) Her lesson about Ruth at a recent Bible study inspired me, like Ang's book, to transform the way I looked at and went about relationships. The picture she drew of Ruth's submission and commitment to Boaz made me realize a very important truth that I needed to convey to someone very important to me. She's a woman, like the rest of these ladies, who I'd be proud to be like because she is like Christ.

Wrapping up with Ruth is a perfect ending, I believe. Ruth paints a very nice and important picture of who God wants us to be as wives and, most importantly, spirtual servants. God wants us as women to be strong, but just as always, He wants us to derive this strength from Him. Oh how Deborah was strong for the Lord and how Esther was wise! Lydia was a smart businesswoman who was accepting of His sacrifice and helpful to God's servant Paul. Mary and Martha were sisters who lived lives in frienship and worship of Christ. And I must make note of the Proverbs 31 woman, though I sometimes fear she has been overworked and underappreciated. Just like the women I've mentioned above, the women God uses as examples in His word range from a judge of Israel, a queen, a businesswoman, sisters who befriended and cared for the Messiah and a woman who is worthy to be the wife of a king. Aren't we glad that God mercifully loves us for who we are and that He is worthy to be loved for who He is? May we as women never feel constrained by being a woman of biblical standards. The freedom and still-glorifying diversity that God offers to us through His word allows us to be different and delightful to Him all at once. What a wonderful maker!

Relief

2006-04-25T08:27:00.000-04:00

It's been a rough couple of weeks (thank you, car), but these verses of Scripture and song have offered me comfort. Enjoy them.

Just and holy is Thy name
I am all unrighteousness
False and full of sin I am
Thou art full of truth and grace
--Jesus, Lover of my soul

Like the deer pants for the water,
so my soul longs after Thee.
--Psalm 42:1

These inward trials I employ
From self and pride do set thee free
and break thy schemes of earthly joy
that thou may seek thine all in me.
--I Asked the Lord

Misplaced anger

2006-04-05T00:37:00.000-04:00

I just got mad at God. Really mad.

Tonight, I had finally made a good start on a paper that has really been killing me, and suddenly...it was gone.

But that's not what made me mad(dest). As I tried to sleep, I thought about all of Job's struggles, I got very angry. "God, didn't you love him? He was righteous, Lord! The greatest man in the East; and yet you let him literally almost go through hell on earth." As I thought about how mad I was and how nothing could really comfort me, I cried to God out of pent-up frustration: "What can make me feel better?!" This reminded me of the hymn, Nothing but the Blood, and also of our complete dependence on God to be our comforter and our all.

But Job didn't find comfort there. He couldn't even close his eyes or go to sleep because Satan threw terrors on him and filled his mind with visions. He couldn't escape. As I lied in my bed, I thought how horrible it would be to have no escape. Eventually, I could fall asleep and, though I still have to write my paper tomorrow, it will get done and things will be fine again. I can find comfort and escape from terror. But Job, he was trapped. "God, why would you do this to him? He loved you and you allowed Satan to torture him every minute. Even his friends turned their backs on him and mocked him. Why did you let him get treated that way? He didn't do anything wrong!" As I was really heating up and getting mad at God for letting one of His own get treated like that while He watched, I got arrogant: "I hope when you saw him in all that pain, crying out to you, being tortured and wanting to die--I hope you felt bad. I hope your heart was troubled! (see John 11) Don't you care about us?" And then, He quietly said to me that His son didn't do anything wrong. His son cried out to Him in complete pain. His friends mocked Him and abandoned Him. And God watched.

And He was troubled. He let me realize in my anger toward Him for allowing one of His children (Job) -- a righteous one -- to be tortured and put through hell on earth that He did the same with Jesus! And I got so angry at Him for Job, but rarely feel that remorse and gutwrenching compassion for Jesus. I never want what He went through for me to be underplayed. I'm glad that God allows us to question Him and petition Him and plead with Him. Because, when we are pouring ourselves out to Him is when He takes the opportunity to fill us up with Himself.

A Chance to Die Brings Life

2006-04-02T15:19:00.000-04:00

Amy Carmichael, a missionary to India and the surrounding countries in the 19th Century, can be safely claimed as a hero of mine. As a young girl, she felt God telling her to go. The wisdom and insight she possessed at such a young age gave her the maturity she needed to live a life of adventurous hardship for the Lord. As a Scottish woman, she went into foreign lands and boldly shared Christ through consistent, loving, unceasing discipleship. Her views of Christ, Christianity, nature and many other things have helped shape how I now see--and have seen for quite some time--the role I am to take in the Kingdom.

I read her biography by Elisabeth Elliot, A Chance to Die, the summer before I was a senior in high school. I read it on a vacation in the Turks and Caicos Islands where it is easy to be close to God because His creation is constantly surrounding and amazing you. The book changed my life and has now become more relevant to me than ever.

As I will be spending nearly the entire summer in Peru, I understand the longing Amy felt for the nations. It was not an attitude of "Oh! How blessed am I to save the heathens from destruction!"; but rather a sincere desire to show God's love to people who otherwise would not hear it should she not take it to them. Her devotion to God and willingness to sacrifice inspires me.

When discerning God's call on her life, Amy hesitated, as most all of us do. "Who of her friends would understand? What if she should make a mistake and thus dishonor Him? Was the call a mere fancy? What about [a man she cared for]? Might he die? But if she stayed would she not rob him of the greatest blessing? Her brothers and sisters--had she still some responsibility to help her mother with them? Health--was it foolhardy of her to imagine she could "take it" on the mission field? And money. Lord, what about money?" (p. 55). Yet as God allowed her to realize, His grace is sufficient. She wrote to her mother before she left for Japan: "My precious Mother, have you given your child unreservedly to the Lord for whatever He wills? O may He strengthen you to say YES to Him if He asks something which costs."

Who, when God calls on us to do something that defies our fleshly nature of self-preservation and fulfillment, does not ask these questions and throw them up as indirect--or direct--pleas to the One who calls us? Yet, like the many examples before us, including Amy Carmichael, we must hand these hesitations and excuses over to Him whose sovereignity will cover our needs. As I prepare to go to Peru, I am praying that God will place the things in my heart that need to abide there: peace, love, wisdom, knowledge, courage, etc. How can I tell Him no when He has so clearly directed things in my life to prepare me for saying "YES!"? For "more may hang upon your instant yielding than you kow or shall know till the great Then comes" (A Chance to Die, p. 85). How insulting to my Father that I should want to stay in my comfort zone because of inconveniences and sacrifices that may exist outside of it! How inconvenient and sacrificial was the cross? "But we must remember that it was not by interceding for the world in glory that Jesus saved it. He gave Himself. Our prayers for the evangelization of the world are but a bitter irony so long as we only give of our superfluity and draw back before the sacrifice of ourselves" (On the Threshold of Central Africa by M. Coillard).

That is too deep, Mr. Coillard! I've read the passage over and over, and while I understand it, my hope is to experience it. Our prayers and our hopes for reaching people that don't know Christ are futile unless we offer the entirity of our being--mind, body and soul. This means acknowledgement, prayer, sacrificial financial offerings and your own time and phsyical effort. Think about it. A lack a sacrifice signifies a lack of true concern for people coming to know Christ and experiencing Him forever. Lax Christianity, therefore, yields a lack of true evangelism. How should it change us to know that as individuals and as collective bodies we are not reaching the world because we don't care enough about them to give something that is of true cost to us?

The prescription for change, then, is this: As we look for the ways in which God calls us to sacrifice for His sake (no matter how large or small we or others perceive it to be), we must participate in this act wholeheartedly and with pure motives. Because "the willingness to sacrifice that springs from a loving heart rather than the desire for spiritual distinction is surely acceptable to God. But as in the case of Abraham's offering of his son Isaac, the sacrifice is not always fully required. What is required is obedience" (A Chance to Die, p. 175). "Let us work until we drop, but let us never lower the standard" (A Chance to Die, p. 196). This lowered standardard is, in fact, the device that allows for lax Christianity.

Finally, I will end on a note that is of no doing of my own. As we strive to find our niche in the kingdom and diligently do our purposed work, we must know and understand two things: "To offer [our work] up to the Lord of Glory transforms it into a holy task" (A Chance to Die, p. 182/3) and "no work that is set on following the Crucified escapes the Cross" (p. 211). When we work for God by doing all that He calls us to do (general and specific; going to Peru; starting a campus church; sharing Christ with a non-Christian friend), the actions and plans become holy tasks because we are doing them for eternal purposes; and when such events are undertaken, sacrfices, hardships and troubles are inevitable. Yet, just as Christ overcame the cross' subsequent death, in us dwells the same power to overcome any "crosses" that may entreat us because of our heavenly employment.

Be encouraged, be challenged, be bold and be changed.

Breaking the Mold and Being Like Jesus

2006-03-28T16:43:00.000-05:00

It's a good thing I've been reading through Job or I'm not sure how I'd know how to react to things these days. Though my affliction is in no way comparable to his--or even to some of those around me now--I can still identify with him on many levels. Perhaps my favorite verse so far: "Though He slay me, I will yet hope in Him." Wow.

At our Bible study last night, we talked about how Christians have created a sub-culture within the larger one in which we live. And while I'm not sure how well it was received or how well I presented what God really laid on my heart, I said that Christians should not live completely in this bubble. It's not Biblical. Jesus did not shut himself off from His surrounding culture, He engaged it. I used Paul in Acts 17 as the example for my point. I pointed out that Paul observed and examined the culture in Athens by mentioning that the place was religious in all aspects; he knew the intricacies of the culture because he pointed out that even their own poets unknowingly proclaimed that we are God's children (thereby using their own culture against them); and finally, Paul, after observing and examining and being informed about Greek culture--specifically that of Athens--was able to offer a solution to the people, which was of course Christ. I said that this proves that ministry is not done by the ignorant but by the informed.

As Christians, we have to be informed about the culture that surrounds us. Do not be ignorant about the things that go on in this world. Ignorance does not make you innocent, it just perpetuates ignorance. So often, Christians think that if they don't acknowledge the sin in the world, they are keeping themselves pure. Maybe this is purity by default; but I believe that real purity comes in knowing and acknowledging that sin in all its vilest forms does exist, and making a conscious effort not to partake in such acts. Furthermore, if you are not informed about how the world operates, you won't know how to remedy the situation. You don't know your enemy and your enemy will beat you every time because the enemy knows you. Simply declaring that these people need the Lord is not the solution; and approaching them without knowing how to identify and relate with them is, in my opinion, arrogant. Many times, we just want to do part three of Paul's gospel presentation on Mars Hill--we want to offer the solution without taking the time to observe and examine and know the intricacies of their culture.

Am I saying that God's word is not powerful enough to save without us as Christians first equipping ourselves with knowledge of the surrounding culture? Of course not. But I am saying that it is Biblical to arm yourself with knowledge about the people you are trying to reach. You wouldn't enter into a foreign country to share the gospel without first studying things that are offensive to them, things they respond to and so on because you don't want to hinder opportunities for the gospel because of human cultural errors. In the same way, we have to arm ourselves with knowledge about our surrounding culture and not just condemn it.

We have to do ministry in a new way. The Pharisees hated Jesus because He told them their way wasn't working--that they were missing the point. And we're quick to say we're not like the Pharisees--we believe in Jesus! But you have to look past that and look to the way they tried to do ministry. It was a system of rules and regulations--some unwritten, but understood nonetheless. And while I'm not claiming that Christianity today is overly legalistic (in most circles anyway), I am saying that I feel Christians have bound themselves to certain rules of this culture that we have created.

As a Christian, I should watch Fox news, vote Republican, hate liberals and think people who care about the environment are nutty, tree-hugging hippies. Honestly, most Christians don't really think this way, but unfortunately, this is often how we are perceived by non-Christians. Yet how do Christians perceive non-Christians? They watch CNN, vote Democrat, hate conservatives and chain themselves to trees, right? We've created a dichotomous culture with no room for moderates.

So what's the reconciliation between the two? The answer is to break the mold of what others perceive Christians to be and act like, and actually be like Jesus. Allison Lamb made a valid point, as always. She said that we always encourage each other--new converts included--to act "like Christians" when what we should be encouraging them to do is act like Christ. Of course, Christians are supposed to be like Christ, but as fallible humans, we can't attain this perfection while on earth. Therefore, we need to be like Christ and compare ourselves and others' actions to His, not Pat Robertson's or Bill O'Reilly's or George Bush's or even those Christians we most respect. Jesus cared for the environment (see Colossians, Ch. 1), he cared for the poor (um, read the New Testament), he hated hypocrites (again, check out the gospels) and he was considered a liberal in His day because He was a radical, a reformer and a revolutionary! We've got to drop the labels. Drop 'em like they're hot, friends.

We have to break out of the mold that is constantly trying to shape itself around us and we have to mold ourselves to be like Christ. He wasn't ordinary and He didn't play by the rules of man, but by the rules of God.

Just really quick...

2006-03-02T07:53:00.000-05:00

I have a test this morning and I'm up a little too early for my taste, but here is something that God has allowed me to realize that I just have to share.

We cannot make excuses for not sharing His message because it is too difficult or we don't know enough. 1 Peter 2:9 says we are God's possession so that we can proclaim the excellencies of Him who called us out of darkness and into His marvellous light. When I asked God just what He wanted me to proclaim, I could only hear one thing: For I claimed to nothing except Christ and Him crucified (1 Cor. 2:2). YES! That's it. I don't have to know anything except Christ and Him crucified because all the excellencies of God and founded in and magnified in the crucifixon of Christ. His holiness, grace, love and forgiveness are seen in their purest and greatest forms.

Holy: If He wasn't, He couldn't take away our sins for eternity (Hebrews 10:11-14).

Grace: He bore our sins and punishment so that we could become righteous and blameless like Him (Isaiah 53:4-6; 2 Corinthians 5:21).

Love: in its greatest form in Romans 5:8.

Forgiveness: If our sins weren't forgiven, the cross would be pointless (Matt. 26:27, 28).

I only use Scripture to explain because it is all that is necessary. If the Word alone does not stir you to action, then nothing I can say will suffice--or shouldn't, at least (see 1 Corinthians 2:1-5). We don't have to know anything except Christ and Him crucified; yet when we know this -- when we experience this -- we know everything.

And for those of you like me who seem to offer excuse after excuse, see the following:
1. Judges 6:14, 15
2. Exodus 3:11, 12
3. Jeremiah 1:4- 10

Perseverance

2006-02-21T20:44:00.000-05:00

"The day begins with a list of things to do
A dozen places I should go before it's through
Goals and expectations on every side
Daily disappointments that are just a part of life

The night descends and I have to face the dark
I should pray before I sleep before I sleep, but it's so hard
I haven't done a single thing to make Him proud
I had a million chances but end up failing somehow

And so often I'm less than I thought I was
Convinced that I don't measure up
And I pretend I'm standing tall
Until I hear my Father say
Even when I'm feeling small
He loves me, really loves me
And I know He knows best
Even on the days when I feel less"

I wish I could take credit for this, but the song belongs to Josh Bates. If you don't know him, check him out because he's awesome.

So many times I feel less--like everything I've done has been a complete waste and I dive headfirst into the things I wish I would have done. The night only produces a time to reflect on and reproach myself.

I taught a Bible study on Monday night about perseverance. It's something all believers have to deal with daily. Either we do it or we don't. It seems at this point in the semester tests abound and perspectives sometimes shift toward school and "just getting done." Gosh, don't I know it! I asked God why He would want me to teach about something that I couldn't even do myself, and He said, "That's why. Because my power is perfected in your weakness."

When you realize that God is trying to teach you something, the next step is to realize that Satan is going to attack you right there too. The only way to make it through is to ask God for the wisdom and grace to know how to do that. Kate Murphy, a girl who I am quickly falling in love with, made such a great point at Bible study. She said, "People always say that God will never give them anything they can't handle. Well, yes He does. He gives us things that only He can handle so we have to depend on Him to get through it." Wow. It totally made me have a different perspective on that well-known verse. Think about it.

I often withdraw unto myself and think about how I wish I could just be what God wanted me to be, do what He wanted me to do, go where He wanted me to go. But as these past few days have been pretty bad comparatively, God has given me encouragement from so many directions to persevere. These are two things that people have written to me within the last two days:

"So often when I get sad or convicted, or both, I tend to inwardly despair and wish for better things. The response God wants me to make is not inward remorse but outward confession. When confronted with my sin and sadness, God wants me to offer it up to Him that He may lead me in the better way, not despair that things are the way they are. Do I think God reproves me to make me sad or just to show me how sinful I am? No, He does so that He may lead me in the everlasting way."

"'Sin tastes sweet, but is bitter to the stomach. Holiness tastes bitter, but is sweet to the stomach.'" Although we may not think it is always the most enjoyable thing to do at the time, God desires our holiness and in the end, it is ultimately the best thing for us."

What calls to persevere! God has each one of us do it in a different way, but the ideal way to deal with troubles is knowing that suffering leads to perseverance and perserverance to character and character to hope, right?

Right.

Candy hearts

2006-02-14T22:39:00.000-05:00

After reading and sweating pointless ramblings in recent Kernel columns, I've decided that if those pieces make publication, then I should have a full-time staff job.

I've tried not to mention to myself that it's Valentine's Day. I mean, I'm not one of those who hates the day or is bitter to the point of wanting to sleep away these 24 hours; but I've got to admit, it's not really that pleasant. Boo-hoo it's just another day, get over yourself, right? Yes. I feel silly being upset or finding myself wishing for things, yet I've seemed to succumb to the sad-for-no-reason element quite nicely. Luckily, Susie and my roommates are the greatest treats in the whole world. Why not top off the night with a movie that makes you laugh, cry and talk even more like a hick: Sweet Home Alabama. Count me in, ladies...well, Morgan! :)

The past week or so has been a rough one and I think Valentine's Day gives me an almost legit reason to finally let it all out. I'm not upset about this day or its implications or not having a significant other, I'm just finally exhausted. It seems like when it rains it pours and everything kind of crumbles right at once. It's like I'm trying to cross a bridge but the planks keep falling out and I have to go back to the beginning every time!

It all seems ridiculous when I write it down--like I'm just another Kernel columnist who is trying to fill space. Shame on me. I should probably delete everything from here up, but I think it's important to see the process we all go through. Of course, as believers,we finally reach the point where we understand the foolishness of our own actions, but it's not automatic. Each one of us has to struggle with our own vices and discard useless ideas before we can come to that knowledge. Understanding that it's not some silly day--that is not so silly for some--that's the source of unhappiness in your life, but the absence of something far greater. It's the absence of the willingness to surrender and the presence of defiance and arrogance that only push us farther from where we need to be. And while this is not the problem for everyone, it is for me.

One of my favorite bands has a song with the line that most often sums up the feeling I have in my relationship with the Lord. Speaking of how he feels with God, the song says: "It's like we're on the couch, but we're on opposite ends." When you want to be close to someone, you don't sit at the far end of where they are, but you snuggle up right next to them; you know the scene--there are three cushions, but together you take up about a half of one. Opposite-end-sitting implies uncomfortableness, awkwardness and maybe even anger. How many times does God just want to snuggle up with us, but we decide that we'd rather be at the other end doing our own thing?

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, let me stick with the couch illustration. I'm melancholy because I have no one to snuggle up with, yet God is plainly asking me to scoot over next to Him. If I'm so interested in finding a true love who will always want to be with me, care about me and make me feel special, I must first realize that I cannot find that love until I experience the LOVE that's sitting so close until push Him away. James 4:8--Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

So Lord, mind if I scoot?

A Lamb's Tale

2006-01-30T23:07:00.000-05:00

A friend told me a very wise thing tonight (Monday). As I was explaining to her a new discovery I'd made in my life, I mentioned that I have always wanted to work toward a cause; going to a 9-5 routine is not my ideal work. "I've found that I don't want to work for just a cause; I want to work for THE cause," I said. And then it came--Allison Lamb's reliable words of wisdom: "You know that no matter what 'cause' you're working toward, you'll always be working toward THE cause."

It may sound simplistic. But for me, it really set the record straight, as it refocused my perspective on things concerning my future. Even if I work for an outlet that places its foundation on things other than Christ, my purpose is to offer that outlet a new foundation. So even if I don't work for a strictly Christian publication or NGO of sorts, the reality of my purpose still remains.

So thanks to Allison for being solid. You're awesome.

A Rainy Monday: Wow.

2006-01-23T00:32:00.000-05:00

Well, that rainy day is here.

It's 12:26 in the a.m. and I should be sleeping--or at least giving it a shot. Instead, I am enjoying listening to the rain. Unless I'm stuck in it because of circumstances not of my choosing, I love to hear the rain, watch it, play in it, etc. When I'm under my covers and know that I am safe from its soaking, it's quite a pleasurable thing.

But I guess other forms of rain are not so pleasant. The raining down of sorrow or frustration or events beyond our control--our covers don't exctly shield us from these things. Though I wish they could, roofs and warm beds and even good friends can't stop us from getting soaked. And just like some people always have that "just in case" umbrella, most don't; and we all end up looking (and feeling) like drowned rats.

I always tried to give Sarah Kinney (not yet Sears) my umbrella. When it was raining and we were side by side, I just wanted her to take a two inch step to safety--provided by me. But you know Sarah, she just trucked forward, silently getting soaked to her knees while I stayed dry. I didn't really seek to have the satisfaction of knowing Sarah wasn't miserable because of the shelter I could provide her; I simply did not want to see her drown in her rain pants and her sweater socks because I love her. It was hard--well, frustrating--for me to see Sarah not take advantage of my crummy umbrella because it was so readily available--I knew how to help her. It is even harder, though, to watch a friend get rained on (metaphorically) and not know how to provide that shelter; to watch and to observe, but feel like there's nothing you can do, and that there's nothing that that person wants you to do. All you can do is watch them get soaked.

We all know what it's like to have a friend (or to be that friend) who's in a rough season. Both positions are difficult. Both situations leave you feeling helpless. You want to help, but don't know how; or either, you know how, but they don't want it. Either way, it's a bummer.

When they yell or say things that sound rude or just act different in general, it's easy to want to get mad and cry Wrongdoer! or devise reasons why it's ok for you not to talk to them, but this is not the proper response (obviously). As lessons and readings on forgiveness abound, I see that forgiveness--like revival, as Pastor said--really does begin in your heart. Even if there is no real maniestation of conflict, any thought that goes against the holiness, and therefore unconditional love, of God, must be confessed and handed over to Christ. Careful examination and alertness of mind have led me to not only realize these things, but to do them. While sarcastic and spiteful thoughts naturally rain huge drops my mind, I have to learn not just to hide from them under my covers, but to completely erase them with the Son.

To my friends who are stuggling, God bless you. I love you. Forgive me if I'm ever insensitive or appear unmoved, uncaring or harsh. I've spent too many days on your side to ever be anything except empathetic, compassionate and filled with love for you. I'm praying for you, wishing I could just offer you an umbrella's protection, but resting in the fact that God will provide you an umbrella of the greatest magnitude: rest and sustainment in His perfect Son.

*Sarah Sears, I love you. Even though I spitefully walked miles in the rain with you down muddy paths and flooding sidewalks, I wouldn't ever trade those canoe trips for a dry day! Even through your magnitudal stubborness, you taught me (self control, if nothing else...HA). California is one lucky place. :)

Start of a new day

2006-01-21T00:20:00.000-05:00

Well, I can only say that I am extremely hopeful about the future. Basically, the reasoning rests on this: I CAN (ALMOST) DO A HANDSTAND FOR ALMOST FIVE SECONDS!! I know that statement probably just reinforced eerything many of you think about me...well, mission accomplished.

While I am currently making the claim that this "Kastle Weekend" has been one of the best of my life, a few conversations taking place around me at this moment are starting to reassure me of the fact...or scare me; it's a toss up.

Examples:

12:15 a.m.
"Why is farting so funny?" (Morgan)
"That's a really interesting question." (ED, Lucy's best friend from AL)
"Thank you, I've been thinking about that all week!"(Morgs)
"I mean, everyone farts, so what's the big deal? We don't freak out when somebody burps" (ED) "I know, but if somebdy farts, you get the giggles." (Morgs)
"I hate it when people fart"...LUCY...

12:30a.m.
"Where are we going?" (Lucy)
"To the moon!" (Steve)
" Steve, take us to the moon tonight!" (Lucy)
"Yes, we're goin' to the moon, that's right!" (Steve-O)

12:34 a.m.
"This feels like a top-10er..." (Steve-O, in reference to his bathroom break)

12:35 a.m.
Breakout of random Bon Jovi song...

12:37 a.m.
"Hey Lucy, could you put your arm around Steve?" (Sarai, trying to situate all 6 of us on the couch; good thing there wasn't a room full of empty furniture...)
"Oh yes. (Lucy)
"Hey! My 'bows!" (Sarai)

12:40 a.m.
(Enter Big Mike)
*I learned how dreadlocks are grown (kept, made--I don't know)
*I chew on his dreadlocks...They're stale.

Well, that's a 30-minute segment of my life. Take it or leave it. I'll put it in my knapsack and save it for a rainy day.

This Discipline of Mind

2005-12-04T13:25:00.000-05:00

The US Post Office is quite reliable; as are FedEx and UPS, but none so guaranteed as my God. When you ask Him to deliver, He never fails to do so.

I asked Him to deliver a message filled with instruction for me on Sunday, and He has returned to me two sermons packed with wisdom and extensive details of how to understand and apply His will for my life: sanctification (1 Thess. 4:3). Thanks to Pastor and Jer-bear for being heralds of God's word to me.

Beginning with Jerry's sermon, I was immediately reminded that in order to attain wisdom, one must first fear the Lord, as this is the beginning of it all (Psalm 111:10). In James 1:5, God Himself even promises us the gift if we think to ask Him (which is helpful since it is impossible to attain godly wisdom without actually petitioning God for it). It was outlined for me how a wise person is to act, and Pastor further expanded on such a concept during morning worship.

Going to bed at night has almost become a dreaded thing for me. It was mentioned that the average person has up to 10,000 thoughts go through his/her mind everyday; well, I fully agree, and might even say that I have 10,000 thoughts flood my mind as soon as my head hits the pillow (I guess that's better than 10,000 maniacs, right? HA!). I just lie there, watching as every thought I've supressed during the day, in favor of focusing on school or my job or whatever my day's priority, makes its way to the forefront. It's exhausting, and being over-analytical, I cannot just discard them or check them off of some list. I have to try to work out each one: Why am I thinking this? What can I do for her? How long can 14 days feel? While most of my thoughts themselves are not seemingly unholy, many DO stem from unholy, compromising decisions I have made throughout the day or in the days previous. I feel like I'm drowning in my own bed, and in a way, I guess mentally I am.

But there is a solution! Alas, another perscription for change and the medicine is the same as always: Peace in Christ. This time, however, Pastor revealed a very methodical perscription that fits well with me. By going through the list Paul has given in Philipians 4:8, we are able to rightly discern and judge our thoughts, holding each one captive to Christ. The one that struck me most was purity. I thought, as I most always do, of a metaphoric example for which to apply this. It came to me that we all have computers; and we nearly all have a virus scanner to protect its content against viruses and impurities. When these scanners reveal something harmful, we immediately delete the item in question, not daring to open it or risk infecting our entire system. In the same way, we must do the same with every thought. If we protect our hard-drives, why then do we often fail to protect our hearts? Isn't our spiritual system more important than our PC? Sure, all of our financial, academic, etc. material is stored on our computers, but that which is eternal is stored within our beings, and yet we are so reckless with the latter.

What we think about reveals who we are, and this is a common theme in Scripture. From the overflow of our hearts do we speak (Matt. 12:34, Luke 6:45); and what we think about drives us into action. As I lie down every night, I am able to see where my heart really lies, and many times I am disappointed. But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphant procession in Christ (2 Cor. 2:14) and who sets us free from this body of death (Rom. 7:24,25); who gives generously and without reproach (James 1:5); and who offers us peace that passes understanding (Phil. 4:7) and the comfort we need to have a good night's rest.

As Pastor said, the virtues of God are given to us, but we must put them to use, thus giving them the value they deserve. So ultimately, as almost always, the opportunity is there, but it is up to us to make the most of it.

Quotations for Sale

2005-12-01T09:54:00.000-05:00

As of late, things in my life are starting to come together nicely. This is mostly because my attitude is aligning with the mindset Christ calls me to have. As I search for answers, I know that God's will is not confined to the answer to a single situation or question; therefore, I must do the things I know for sure are in God's will. As I do these, I am certain he will direct me in the way I should go.

Here are some quotes from my favorite author/preacher Charles Spurgeon. Maybe you'll find them helpful, inspiring, etc. like I have.

"Those who do not intercede with fervency do not intercede at all...The true suppliant gathers force as he proceeds, and grows more fervent when God delays to answer. The longer the door of the gate is closed, the more vehemently he knocks."

"It may seem an easy thing to wait, but it is one of the postures that a Christian soldier does not learn without years of teaching. Marching is much easier for God's warriors than standing still."

"Losses, crosses, heaviness, sickness, poverty, and a thousand other ills are of the Lord's sending, and they come to us with a wise design. Frost kills deadly insects and limits raging diseases; it breaks up the clods and sweetens the soul."

"The Lord's loving word of rebuke should make us blush."

"Far be it from us to seek a crown of honor where our Lord found a crown of thorns."

"Some Christians are sadly prone to look on the dark side of everything and to dwell more on what they have gone through than what God has for them."

"Nothing teaches us the preciousness of the Creator as much as when we discover the emptiness of everything else."

Resolution

2005-11-11T04:30:00.000-05:00

Forgive me for borrowing from the hip-hop realm, but people are just haters. No matter if what you do is good, bad or indifferent, people will inevitably have something to say about it.

I say this is not a rant, but I think it might actually be one. Perhaps it's just a realization of a few things. In the sermon Sunday morning, Pastor talked about how a person's countenance changes: one minute he's fine, and it's written all over his face; the next--after an unpleasant incident--he's back to his old, bitter, angry (insert your personal adjective here) self. Unforunately, this describes my life pretty well these days.

I let so many things control me: Who says what about me or how he acts toward me or why I feel the way I do. If things are going well (according to my plan, that is), then I am doing great. If I've received the look I wanted or gotten the grade or completed some type of goal, I am a fun person to be around. On the other hand, in possibly the next instant, I could be the biggest (well, I'll say meanest) beast you've ever encountered. What's funny is that just the second before I could've been on Babbysitter's Club, but when something happens that doesn't suit, the only show capable of possibly holding me is COPS--or Dog, The Bounty Hunter (props to Granny). I haven't been able to grasp why this has overtaken me lately. Why have I been up and down so much? I acknowledge my bi-polar tendencies, but gimme a break, right? I should have to pay admission for such a roller coaster ride!

Then, it hit me. A good friend told me that how I feel about something is independent of God's will. Meaning, I may feel one way or another, but whether or not I carry out God's plan in my life has no tie to my emotions. I may be in love with somebody for better or worse, but what does this have to do with completing God's plan? Nothing. As much as I'd like to say everything, as much as I've lived like it's everything--it's not.

See, it seems so elementary: When we place our happiness, our countenances in the hands of others, whether it be people, dreams, etc. and not God, we set ourselves up for failure, for misery. Actors can't fool other actors, right? True, and to be honest, I'm sick of this scene and I'm ready for the next one.

What is the change necessary for this problem that exists so heavily within my own life and maybe in yours (it exists vaguely even if you don't acknowledge it)? Placing our full and total trust and hope and joy in Christ alone. I get it. I really get it. I write about it time after time, but what good are empty words? They don't fill, they don't nourish because they don't really manifest themselves. The Bible says that those who hunger and thirst after righteousness shall be filled, not those who hunger and thirst after praise and admiration, for confirmation--shoot, even for the slightest acknowledgement and reciprocation I'd do almost anything! Yet I eat these things day after day, and my stomach, like those starving all around the world, puffs up to the appearance of fullness, but nothing except bacteria exists on the inside, eating me away from the inside out.

What they say doesn't matter, what they think doesn't matter, how they act doesn't matter. And if I act like Christ doesn't matter, am I really any better than them?

I promise I won't be average.

Specifically Yours: An Ode to Los Angeles

2005-11-04T14:15:00.000-05:00

I schedule my spring classes in 45 minutes; and for the second time in a row, I won't be yelling down the hall to see which pointless class I don't need to take, but will be taking anyway so I can continue the trend.

See, there are some things, some people, that I would do anything for, and I know without a doubt that the same would be done for me. For instance, I would gladly skip out on all the hours of studying for finals to get just a little bit fatter and a little bit dumber by watching 45 hours of Lifetime movies in one week. (This is big considering I'm obsessed with school.) I would give up my umbrella when it's pouring down rain just so she could have it--and so she could quickly and repeatedly reject me. (Mind you, I stayed angry during this entire event.) When I say I would do anything, I mean it. Now am I willing to ride a bike to California because I have no other way to get there otherwise? Well, I'm up for it, but I don't know about the RoadMaster.

"I'm hungry." Hmmm...I wonder what is going to be on my ex-neighbor's menu? Aha! I know! We all know, and I'm sure you're counting the items in your head. But let me say this, if I could be anywhere right now, I'd be eating some type of chicken and a sorry excuse for a breadstick if that meant sitting across the table from her. I'd eat lemon rhines and drink 10 glasses of Dr. Pepper if she'd just do the same--and I know she would because we've done it; and I know she would because she's not scared, she's not fragile, and despite the popular view, the girl is a nut!

First, let me expose her. Sarah Kinney Sears has been unmasked. I write about things that are important to me, and this little girl has had my heart since Chemistry 101. She grabbed it more when we shared a creepy game of supernatural Candyland, and solidified the deal when she would repeatedly fight me in secret (so no one else would know she was actually in StreetFighter II). She rode nearly three hours with me to pick up a darn coat and some curly fries. What a gal! And she has shot me with a pistol more times than I even want to count; suffice it to say that my stomach is a constant bruise. Most importantly, she has sat up with me while I've cried, taken care of me while I was sick, spent numerous hours in the front porch swing with me, allowed me to give her tattoos, and talked with our friend for 5 hours every Saturday about how much God loves him. We've pretty much done it all.

I don't know where I'd be without Sarah; I definitely wouldn't be in the Kastle (which by the way, shapes my identity) and I wouldn't know Lar and Deb or Laura, for that matter. I might never have eaten lunch in the Student Center and therefore probably wouldn't be as close to some as I am because of that. Right, Matt?

Sarah knows how much she means to me. We fight like two cats (but she hates cats, so she'd opt to be a dog), but everytime I come away loving her more. It's a good thing scars never really go away, because everytime I start to forget how much Sarah makes me smile and laugh and cry and wanna punch things (in her shining moments of stubbornness), I remember those times we've spent--good and bad--and know that she will never leave me and I will find her no matter where she is taken (by God and Chase, not kidnapped).

So, sister, here is my ode to you, and I will leave it at this: It is my hope that we are interchangable forever and that someday, not too far away, you and I and our complements will be on vacation, wondering why we ever felt like 2,000 miles was so far away.

A Breathing Cliché

2005-11-02T18:31:00.000-05:00

Maybe I'm simple.

I just opened a small 2-pack of Starburst and inside it was two reds. Red Starburst are my favorite, and I couldn't help but grin like a trash-eating raccoon (Great Outdoors, anybody...?) The same happens when I listen to Allison Krauss and Union Station and watch movies I really enjoy. And never to be forgotten are my beloved Gilmore Girls; Rory and Lorelai pretty much make my week.

Why is it that these small events, that as acts alone might seem totally insignificant, make me happy? Shouldn't it take so much more? Perhaps finding $50 would justify my silly grins; yet to be honest, finding 50 cents would produce much the same effect. When my roommate and I rollerblade in the middle of the street knowing we're a decade too late, and adding insult to injury, she's wears a towel-cape and a cowboy hat--this is why I love my life. Buying a cake for a friend who is having a rough time or going out to lunch with someone new--these are the things that keep me going, or from going, I don't know...crazy?

I'm glad that God has given us the ability to find pleasure in such small things. I'm glad I don't have to wait for Him to perform a miracle like parting the Mississippi River or turning our water into...grapejuice...for me to be happy.

As a person who thinks much more than she should, and plans much more than she should, and takes on much more responsibility than she should, I am ever grateful to God that I can have a good time and still glorify Him by the little things I do, and see, and so on. I'm glad He's given us senses of humor and ways to have fun and be silly. I sometimes wonder if God can be silly (not foolish, mind you, but I don't know--like me, I guess). When I look at God's creation, I think I am provided an answer. I don't think He sits in heaven waiting to crush dreams with a rigid look on His face and a clenched fist. I acknowledge that God is all-powerful and wants things done according to His will only--and His will is best, so it's in our best interest to follow--but I think He's willing, and even requires, time to relax and have fun while still being holy (let's think about day number seven, people).

So as I rewind the times I've spent having extreme water fights, playing Twister on the roof, dumping 500 pounds of leaves on a doorstep, driving to Indiana for doughnuts, having a piñata in our front yard, going to Krispy Kreme at midnight, wrestling like the hick that I am, and watching all five Rocky's in a row, I am glad that God has allowed me to partake in such activities. I don't know where I'd be, or who I'd be without times like those--or the times that are yet to come. I can't wait to stay up all night eating too much and emancipating Mimi.

The perscription for change, you ask? Have fun. God does, and since we're created in His image, I think we should be encouraged to have some holy fun, too.

Am I Eeyore?

2005-10-26T16:55:00.001-04:00

I am an honest person--sometimes to a fault. I am honest with others, and most of the time I am brutally honest with myself and God. I don't normally try to mask my feelings, but usually wear them right on my sleve for everyone to see. I figure that's ok, as long as I don't use them as an excuse to treat others badly.

I realized today some very honest feelings that have been plauging my life lately. I am selfish. Yes, everyone is to a certain extent, but I am selfish in ways that may not be so visible. I am selfish with my time, my affections, and with things to which I really give importance. In the past month or so, I have existed in the realm I dislike--and distrust--the most: self-absorbtion.

True, I still think of those impoverished Latin Americans and the people from my home, but do I think of my friend not so far away who has an impoverished spirit? Who may be feeling the same as I do, just waiting for some encouragement to come? Honestly, not really. I mean, I have papers to write and projects to finish, right? Lady, please!

In all this self-analysis, it may seem like all I do is sit around and reflect on what's wrong in my life. This is not how it is that I discover these things. Rather, I find myself noticing them when I notice how merciful God is, and how boundless His grace is. It's then that I realize my flaws, but only in light of who He wants me to become; and subsequently, who I want me to become. Therefore, I don't roll around in my sorrows like a pig in mud. I roll around in the joy of knowing that I will one day acquire that unveiled face that so beautifully reflects His glory (2 Cor. 3:18).

May we never be like the one in James who looks at himself in the mirror and then forgets what he looks like when he walks away. Let us see our infirmaties and commit to changing them. The perscription, then, is this: Notice who God is--His mercies and grace; in light of this, ask Him to show you your shortcomings; but rather than dwell on them, change them.

Easier said than done. Unfortunately, I know from experience. Daily experience. It seems almost hopeless, like we just can't get through to God, or that we don't have what we need. But as Spurgeon said, "The true suppliant gathers force as he proceeds, and grows more fervent when God delays to answer. The longer the door of the gate is closed, the more vehemently he knocks...Tearful, agonizing, unconquerable persistence is beautiful is God's sight." And perhaps even more comforting, is this from the Scripture itself: 2 Peter 1:3: "His devine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness."

You want me to do what?!

2005-10-25T21:09:00.000-04:00

"All may not be required of you, but all must be on the alter; and that which will be required of you is that which is holding you back." Joyce Meyer

That is huge, friends. Huge. As I struggle with situations in my life, trying to determine if I really have sincerity and pure motivation in my "offerings," a statement like this had the capabilities to rattle me to my core; and it did so quite nicely. I realized that God may not take everything I'm so afraid to give up, but at the same time, I have to be willing to give it to Him anyway.

When I heard this statement, I thought about how profound and applicable it really was. Then immediately I thought of the sacrifice that I'm so unwilling to give. Before I knew it, "No," was all I said. "Please don't," was all I could think. There I sat like a deer in headlights, with God in the driver's seat. Scared to death of giving everything I have for Him; living a life that doesn't fit my mold; letting go of things that I enjoy that don't please Him; being willing to give up the thing I hold so dear that may or may not be holding me back from Him. And the truth is that God is not going to swerve to miss me; He wants me to die--to myself, that is, and calls me to surrender all to Him.

Walking to class, as always the radio was going in my head. I could only seem to find one song that fit the moment: All on the Alter. Too often these hymns are ignored; and that's a shame because too often they can eloquently express what I can't find the words to say.

My all for Thee
My all for Thee
Who gave Thine all, dear Lord for me
Thy will devine, henceforth is mine
To live for Thee, dear Savior for Thee

Go to Bed!

2005-10-20T05:30:00.000-04:00

Once again, I'm on my way to staying up ridiculously late.

This time is doesn't involve any schoolwork, though. (Thank you, Lord.) It does, however, involve about 48 little boxes of Milk Duds and a glass of water that has been sitting on my desk since we moved to the Kastle, I think. I hear all the familiar sounds of my house at 1:10 a.m. One of the gymnasts is showering, and...oh wait...there's water rushing out of the wall in the basement; unfortunately that's all too familiar, too. I don't understand why I should have to wear floaties and breathe through a snorkel to go retrieve my laundry! But I guess that's just part of it. Now if we could just dump sand in the kitchen...

What's the issue in which I want to see and perscribe a change for today...? Oh yes, me. That's right, friends, your nutty ol' pal herself needs a little changin'.

Being just a little short of bi-polar (I think), and living with four other girls who are just as stressed and exhausted as me these past few weeks, I think that anyone who enters this house and stays for a significant amount of time (and comes out alive) should be awarded with the highest medal of honor. (Congrats to a few who've earned it.) A house with five girls--especially sassy ones like us--can be a tough thing to exist in sometimes; and I don't necessarily mean that my roommates are the problem, because if I didn't have them...well, that deserves a Joey Lawrence WOAH! But let's just say that caution tape surrounding this house might not always be bad idea.

So what's the issue about me that needs to change? Gosh, where do you start such an extensive list? Let's begin with the most recent lesson I've learned. The wisest guy I know, Dustin (yeah, I said it), brought a truth Wednesday night that I wish I had known a long time ago. He said that there are two words for prayer in the Bible: one means supplication--requesting things from God (like wisdom, or "make me this way," etc.), and one means an inward vow. The inward vow is used most often, and is set up not as a request hotline, but more like a telethon. At a request hotline, you tell the DJ or whoever what YOU WANT to hear; at a telethon, however, it's not about what you WANT, but about what you're going to do. You say, "I AM GOING to pledge $50," and you do it. In the same way, when praying with an inward vow, we say: "God, I AM GOING to...be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, and fulfill my ministry (2 Tim. 4:5). Praying these types of things in this way and really meaning them can change your life; but be careful. "It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay" (Ecclesiates 5:5). Hopefully, this instruction will not create reluctance in us, but rather a stronger sense of responsibility when we pray as we ought.

So in light of this truth, and in light of the fact that day after day I realize my own craziness, filth, and blatant defiance of God, I am ever thankful that He does not turn me away, but instead listens to my prayers and smiles upon them. Even more so, I'm thankful that when I make a vow to Him, He gives me the strength I need to fulfill it. If I could complete it on my own, why would I need to trust in God for help? So the perscription comes in this: That God does not want me to exist in a comfortable realm where I simply ask Him to give me things, and then put them aside once He does. Instead, He wants me to tell Him I am going to diligently prove myself to Him over and over again by following through on the things He sets before me. Yes, I'll fail at times, and frustration is inevitable, "but the Lord weighs the motives. Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established" (Proverbs 16:2,3).

As Pastor says, God rewards the faithfulness of His people. Yet many forget the second part of this statement, which I consider to be so important. God does reward the faithfulness of His people, but He'll show His provision when we've proven our faithfulness.

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live

All to Jesus I surrender
Humbly at His feet I bow
Wordly pleasures all forsaken
Take me Jesus, take me now

I surrender all.

I, Erin, take thee Macaroni...

2005-10-19T04:07:00.000-04:00

I realized today that I might as well sleep in a Velveeta box because I am complete cheese.

I love the opportunities that God has allowed me in my college experience, thus far. I have encountered very intelligent, very passionate people, and others whom possess both of these qualities but don't have much to show for them. It is a great possibility that never in my life would I have otherwise had such chances of meeting and learning from such interesting folks.

As I left my Latin American government class this afternoon, I was thinking about the guest speaker we had just had. Her name was Daisy and she is touring the U.S. on behalf of a group, Witness for Peace, who is trying to prevent transnational corporations from gaining overwhelming control in countries like Nicaragua, Daisy's home. She is a compasino-- a rural farmer-- and a social activist. She told a story about how TNCs refused to turn on her community's electricity when the transformer that the company had installed exploded; they were without power for six months. (Look, I may slack a little on hygiene, but six months?! Can you imagine? We get jittery when we have a power shortage for 15 minutes.) And to add insult to injury, the company continued to bill the families because even though they weren't actually receiving electricity, they still had to pay for their "right" to it.

Events like this one would never go unpunished in the United States--or in any advanced country. Groups of every kind would be calling out against such an "atrocity." In little Nicaragua, however, who cares? They still ride donkeys and cook over fires, right? What's the big deal? What's worse is that reactions of this kind are all too common; and it is more than just indifference, it is blantant disregard. Daisy and other rural poor are overgeneralized as uneducated and insignificant to the global process. As I looked at and listened to this woman, though, I saw not a stupid farmer, but someone who was using her intelligence and passion to further a cause that wasn't for materialistic or individualistic gains. Why should she have to suffer such acts when other more priviliedged people and countries don't?

I think about June Arunga, who vistited my African politics class earlier this year. She is from Kenya, is 22 years old, and is attending law school at Oxford in Britain. She has made documentaries for the BBC and at a young age is already a strong voice for the continent of Africa. One documentary, The Devil's Footpath, traced the plights of people in Egypt, the Sudan, Angola, the Congo, Namibia, and South Africa. Some scenes and stories were gutwrenching. Women and children slaughtered and displaced in the Congo, always surrounded by UN Peacekeepers; land being taken in Angola and the Sudan (there are few tangible deeds in Africa) because of riches found on it. Perhaps the segment that brought the most hope, and yet made me saddest, was the one with young children sitting under a tree in the dust. In front of them was a man and a small blackboard with letters on it. Point and repeat: A, B, C... A four year old was asked a question about the future of his country and replied with one of the most sophisticated answers I've ever heard from a child. It wasn't cute or funny; it was as if he had already lived a life full of painful experiences, and was speaking not to please, but to try to make the rest of the world understand. All I could do was wonder why people like this are deemed any less important that I am. They are often seen as backward or ignorant. I can tell you, seeing wisdom in the eyes of a four-year-old is anything but ignorant.

I must admit, as much as I feel for these people and pray for them, I'm not sure I'm willing to give up my everyday comforts; and I'm not saying you should give up yours. For what would it benefit that Sundanese child if I suddenly starting using a bucket instead of the toilet, or gave away all my clothes and wore rags from the garage. It wouldn't benefit them in any way.

So what can we do? How can we improve the plights of the oppressed and move them and their countries toward progress? Well, what is progress? What many would consider progress, is exactly what Daisy and her commrades are fighting against; so, are they wrong? I would venture to say no. Though not all things are relative, some things are, and in my opinion the world cannot have one unilateral, all-encompassing template that all states must fit in; each country must decided, based upon its citizens greatest needs and desires, what the best strategy is. (Mind you, choices such as Marxism and dictatoriships/authoritarianism that have failed numerous times should be strongly resisted.) But as Dr. John Stemepl said in a lecture on American foreign policy, there are no perfect options.

However, while tangible development strategies may differ, I disagree with Stempel on one aspect. I believe there is a perfect option for every country, for every individual; not necessarily in the political realm, but in the spiritual realm, which spills into every area of our beings. As cliché and ignorant as it may sound to some, the only perfect option--or foundation, shall I say--we have for any choice in our lives is Jesus Christ. Through His grace alone will we as individuals, nations or states ever truly discover the perfect, divine options that He has had set for us since before the foundation of the world (Eph. 1: 4). Therefore, I don't believe that aligning oneself with a specific political party or domestic/international strategy is the key to developmental or governing success, though some forms of government and some parties may be more conducive to Christianity and its principles. The only way to achieve true, meaningful success in any area is through seeking God's will above ours, trusting in His promises, and obeying Him despite ourselves.

You know every organization has one: My Mission Statement

2005-10-17T21:30:00.000-04:00

"Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy." --Proverbs 31: 8,9

Searching for the right outlet in which to share and gain feedback on some of my thoughts, reasonings, questions, etc. with the rest of the world, I figured that I might as well join the blogging craze.

My heart is tuned to the well-being of others--especially to those whom, I feel, have been muted, or are oblivious to the fact that they have, in reality, been living lives of complacency, serving no purpose but that of self-fulfillment. A friend found a quote that seems to sum up such an attitude:
“This is the true joy of life: The being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”
-George Bernard Shaw

I am not a fan of self-absorbtion. In fact, it is probably the thing that irritates me most; and too often, I respond with the attitude of "I don't owe anyone anything. Go cry to someone else." No, I've never been accused of smothering anyone with compassion. This may seem to be contradictory to my first statement that my heart is focused on the well-being of others; but it really is not. A differentiation between the manifestations of compassion must be explained. The manner in which I am tuned to them is not like one who feels sorry for an injured animal or a sad child. Instead, I usually take a rational approach to them and their problems: I see; process causes and present circumstances; and formulate possible solutions to improve their situations. Despite my dislike of mathematics (and mathematical inability, might I add), my thoughts seem to be very logically organized--like an equation, almost. But God is steadily teaching my sometimes too pragmatic heart that He IS compassion, and that if I am to exemplify Him with every action, every thought and intent, then being rational (or overly rational, to the point of disobedience) is not always the correct choice. He calls us to trust and obey Him, and shows us the foolishness of our own wisdom in 1 Corinthians chapter 1. I'm certain that many posts will relate to God further teaching me how to be more like Him, or at least I hope so.

Because I'm a nerd (duh, I have a blog), I will probably mention things about Latin America and Africa a lot, as most of my time is spent reading about these places. The poverty and need there weighs heavily on me, and I hope to be of much help some day. A place much closer than either of these weighs heavily upon me, too. Ballard County, sometimes referred to by its citizens as a "rathole," "blackhole," "white trash USA," etc., is a place that despite its drawbacks is a county that has produced some fine people--and then some like me (Ha!) and has potential to be great; and God has laid it on my soul to bring betterment (economically, socially, and especially spiritually) there (but we'll save that for a later post). What I plan to offer for all these issues is a perscription for change, and inevitably, at the center of every Rx, is Jesus Christ.

All in all, I hope this to be a place where ideas can be discussed, shot down, lifted up, or just mulled over. The choice is yours.